After discovering your significant other has gotten low, down, and dirty with another, you decide to try to give things another go and turn over a new chapter in your relationship — there’s just one dilemma: the side piece refuses to get out of the picture.
So, how do you tell this unwanted third-wheel in your relationship to, “Hit the road, jack off. Don’t you come back no more, no more, no more?”
There are a plethora of reasons why the other person might stick around, even after you and your partner have made it quite clear they’re no longer invited into your marriage:
- They’re not ready to call it quits. Whether they’re truly in love with your spouse or they’re just aDICKted to that steamy groin, they’re just not ready to give up that forbidden connection.
- They’re just as whiplashed as you. Regardless of whether they knew your partner was already taken or not, they might’ve been caught off guard by the abrupt severance of their rendezvous and have some loose ends to tie up.
- They’re lingering out of spite. If they can’t have him, nobody can. They’ve become determined to break things apart out of malice and spite so they’re not the only person in this love triangle left high and dry.
These are just a handful of very generalized reasons why the third-party won’t get off their knees and stop attempting to lap up your leftovers. There may very well be other factors at play, too.
Nevertheless, what are you to do as the faithful one who’s just trying to give your partner another chance?
How to Boot Out the Other Woman (Man, or Person)
You truly can’t control other people — and you probably don’t want to play puppet master in your marriage, either. It’s exhausting. As adults, you shouldn’t have to babysit one another.
And at the end of the day, this isn’t even your mess to clean up.
However, your only real tool as a human being is your ability to communicate. While you can’t dictate the outcome of the situation, you can try to negotiate your way out of it with three main approaches:
- Rationality and respect
- Taking legal action
- Using silence as a weapon
Rationality and Respect
This should be your first approach. Rationally and respectfully tell them to get the fuck out of your relationship. And have your partner tell them to fuck off, too.
Sounds simple enough, right? Well for some, sure. The third-party may understand and respectfully leave your partner alone.
But this certainly isn’t the case for everyone.
Take Legal Action
Depending on where you live, you may be entitled to take legal action.
In some states, you can sue the other person for alienation of affection.
According to a Politics & Gender Journal article, this is a legal tort that allows you to “sue a third-party for interfering with your marriage.”
You can read through a list of states where alienation of affection is and isn’t applicable here.
If the law was abolished in your state, you still have other options. For example, you and your partner could get a restraining order on the side piece.
This would prevent them from showing up at your house or stalking your spouse at work.
Read: Love & Law
To get a better understanding of your rights, it’s best to contact a lawyer who practices family law in your area, since your legal rights will vary depending on your state and country.
Using Silence as a Weapon
Silence is the most powerful weapon. As an article published in The Banner states, “Silence can wreak more havoc than words ever can. It can cut sharper than a knife and pierce the heart more keenly than an arrow.”
“Silence is golden,” the article continues. “While it can be beautiful, it can also be ugly.”
And it makes sense. Being ignored is the ultimate form of outright rejection. Plus, it leaves the other person in a constant state of wonder. “Where are they? Why won’t they talk to me anymore? Is there something wrong with me? What are they up to? Why me?”
The rumination is gnawing and merciless, and it might add more fuel to the flame. Some people might get the message and back off after being ignored.
Others may still keep trying. And trying. And trying. So it’s up to you to hold your ground and not cave into engaging, which is an arduous task.
You can’t help it, you’re human. It’s your natural, caveman instinct to retaliate and defend your territory.
No matter how hard the other individual seeking to infiltrate your relationship tries to keep rearing their ugly head, you and your partner have to hold your chins up high and your lips shut tightly together if you truly want to wield silence as a weapon.
Keep your mind and hands busy rebuilding your marriage and focusing on you. Self-care is more important than anything else — at the end of the day, no one knows what’s best for you than yourself.
Even if the side piece didn’t give you an STD, they might still behave like one. They’ve got an itch they can’t scratch, so they’re determined to bubble, blister, ooze, and pop up unexpectedly in your life simply because their needs aren’t satisfied.
Although life isn’t like a game of Sims, where you could simply just delete their player from your world, you can try to communicate with them rationally, through your legal rights, or by piercing their asshole with silence.
All options are easier said than done. Rationality should be your first approach, but it just might not be enough. Going the legal route could be costly or messy, too. And silence may not shake them, but it allows you to keep going about your life day-by-day only worrying about yourself.